Thank you to all our friends for celebrating with us Christian's 1st Birthday

Yesterday my family and I were totally blessed from all the love, prayers, and support that we received from our friends on Christian's first birthday. This is how yesterday went...First, I posted about Christian and the new pictures my sister got for me of him on this blog. Then I got a little rose potted in soil to plant in honor and remembrance of our baby boy from my friend, Terri, who had a precious, healthy son the same day that I birthed Christian. My children also gave me cards and a framed picture of Christian. Then, I had to go to work. A little later, I came out of a meeting and there were two beautiful bouquets of flowers waiting for me from the Wulffs and Jolings which allowed me to share with some at work the hope we have in Christ. After I got off work, my friend, April, took me to the speech tournament so I could be there for the last couple hours. But first we went to Christian's grave. His stone is in now and beautiful. it came just in time for his birthday. April surprised me with a birthday cake for him and a 1 year old candle. We sang Happy Birthday in the dark, took pictures, cried and gave thanks for what God has done through his little life. When I got to the speech tournament there was around 50 roses and little cards with money wrapped around each rose which added up to $107. I was so blessed and I am amazed at God's goodness and the love of the body of Christ. Thank you Carla, Tami, and all my dear friends who took the time to think of us, pray, hug us, write a note, or give a rose during the busy 1st day of a speech tournament. You are all godly examples of who I want to be like. Then I got home and received all kinds of email and Facebook notes full of encouragement and love. There are to many people to name but please know that each of you are treasured in my heart and I love you dearly. I know we are not the only family to have had a loved one die but you have sure made us feel that extra special love. We anticipate our great eternal future in the Kingdom of God where we will all be with those loved ones worshiping our awesome God, feasting and celebrating at His banqueting table. Every day will be a celebration. Please take comfort, all you who are hurting, in Christ and the hope that He has provided. May He give you peace that passes all understanding.

With love and in Christ alone,

Jodi and Family

Blessed Be Your Name, Lord!

Thank You, God, For You Never Let Go!

Happy 1st Birthday, Christian!

Today is my sweet baby, Christian Covenant Kruse's birthday. He was born into the Lord's gracious arms last year 3 weeks before his due date. He is one year old today and I celebrate the greatest gift God has given him, his new birth into the Lord's eternal kingdom. We never got to look into his eyes but we did get to hold, kiss, cuddle, and sing to him the praises of the Lord. We even have a video and his pictures. I will cherish those sweet memories till the day I die. My sister, Tami, got some new pictures of Christian touched up by babyangelpics.com that I have posted above. We are going to visit his grave today and I'm so happy because I just found out that his gravestone came in yesterday. I'll post pictures of that after we take some.

God has been amazing to us this year. We are now in a home of our own again which is a huge blessing not to be taken for granted. Hugh is still doing good as he continues to take his natural supplements and lean upon the Lord for what the doctors called "Bipolar." I don't believe he needs to be labeled with that but I bring it up because I know so many people have been diagnosed with the same thing and want them to know that God is bigger than that and can heal, restore, or just continually carry us through any challenge we face. He has also given me a job as a manager of a smoothie and supplements bar at a health club. This is also hard for I have to be away from my family so much more than I am used to but it's a huge blessing during these tough economic times. I am thankful the children are still able to homeschool and they are enjoying a speech tournament that starts today and ends on Saturday. Again, I will have to miss parts of it because of work but God has so faithfully taught me to be grateful in all things. We are not to complain but do all to the glory of God. We are never left alone without hope. There is no need to be anxious. "We can trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."

I am so thankful for the sermons God has blessed us with at Christ Covenant Church. My brother who is our pastor started a series on 1 Peter on January 11, 2009 which prepared us and carried us through the trials and blessings that came throughout that whole year and will continue to bless us with each year that follows, including my parents having to be gone for a year under their own trials that God is using again for His special purpose and glory. Sunday will be the last sermon of the series but what we have learned will last us for a lifetime. God's Word is our lifeline. Read it, study it, be filled with it. There is no greater joy than to hear the Word of the Lord, to read letters from your Daddy, to meditate and rejoice over the promises He has made to us, to be filled with hope and anticipation for our eternal communion with Him where we can worship Him eternally.

Thank you, Father, for creating and using our little son, Christian, for your eternal glory. Thank You for letting him be a part of our family, and especially for the covenant You made to us and to our children by sacrificing Your own dear Son, who paid the debt for our sins. I love You. Thank You for your perfect and sovereign plan. I praise You, for You are worthy. Your grace, comfort and love are more than sufficient. You take away our sorrows, You carry our burdens, You hold us in Your arms. You are a great God and Your faithfulness endures to all generations. Happy birthday, Christian. I love and miss you. I'll see you soon :)

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord!

You are our all in all!

More Trials & Storms Just Prove How Much More Mighty and Great Our God Is!

Here are a few of my thoughts today. It has been 6 months from the day Christian stopped kicking in my womb, that his heart stopped beating, and since I found out that he indeed had died. Again, I want to state how precious the Lord was to me during that time. He immedietely caused me to accept and praise Him in that grief. Only He can make something like that happen. I then began to remember the sweet time of worship and communion in Christ during the labor, delivery and afterwards as I held Christian in my arms surrounded by my family and close friends a few days later and how he was with me through the funeral and burial.

Actually, this whole experience has been a blessing. I want to shout it from the mountaintops that God is good! His grace is more than sufficient. There is no need to worry. In fact, I believe anxiety now to be a sin. We do not need to be anxious about anything but cast our cares upon Him, pray without ceasing, and trust, praise, thank, and worship Him in everything. Death or any other hardship is nothing to be feared. That's why I love the name God gave us for our son, Christian Covenant! We have a living hope for him and us of eternal glory in the covenant God has made with us through Christ. He is and will be forever faithful to His covenant! I absolutely agree with a pastor that said we live to die so we can live again in worship to our King forever.

Eternity has been put into a whole new perspective in my life. It is almost always on my mind and I can't wait for that blessed day when God calls us home where we will all be feasting at His banqueting table and I will see my sweet boy again. How blessed we are. I praise God for that hope, joy and peace that passeth all understanding even in the midst of present grief or tears that come and go.

Since Christian's death in January, my husband lost most of his income and wasn't able to pay the bills. He didn't share it with me because he didn't want to put me under more stress after the death of our baby. He began losing sleep, stopped eating healthy and taking his nutritional supplements because of his income loss, and as a result began halucinating and was unable to function. We took him into the emergency and he was then diagnosed with bipolar. We got our 10 day eviction letter a day before my husband got really sick. I think that's what threw him into that state. So I had to make all the desisions and pack up the house while he was still not mentally healthy. We had amazing support and help from my parents, family and close friends and got everything moved out that next week. We are now living in a travel trailer on my parents property. They have been extremely giving and supportive and are letting my five older children live in their house on this same property. God, through my parents, has provided us with some natural supplements for my husband that are helping him immensely. But we are still way behind on bills, hospital bills etc. and it looks like it may be quite a while before we are back in a home.

One thing I know is God is there and cares for us. If He can take care of the lillies of the field He can take care of us. Just as he helped me through the death and burial of a baby, He will help me through any storm that comes my way. I share all this not for pity or charity but just to empasize the fact that God is our all in all and nothing can seperate us from His love. I hope to encourage you in any storm you are facing to look to Christ. He is always good and worthy to be praised. He has taught me not to cling to the things of this world but to Him. He provides all that we need and so much more.

I am amazed and thankful for how God has worked in my husband and all 8 of my other children. All of our eyes have been lifted towards Him and we have all learned so much from this. Again, to God be the glory and may His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. May we be used solely for that purpose and find our greatest satisfacion in Him.

My brother who is also our pastor shared an amazing sermon at Christian's funeral which we recorded. I am still planning to put it on the blog as soon as I figure out how to do that. Hopefully it will minister to you as much as it did to me.

And as I shared with a pastor recently whose grandson is facing a serious mental condition, I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to bless, strengthen, comfort, and hold you all as you take care of the people in your life. Life is a blessing no matter how long, short, physically or mentally healthy we are during this life, for in Christ we have a future. It is God that gives and takes away. It is God that gives grace, faith, and eternal salvation where we will one day be made whole. May we cling to that and believe!

In Christ Alone, Jodi

Christian Covenant Kruse Born Sleeping 1-28-09

Hello

Hi everyone. Today my brother Jonathan asked me, " Where's my baby brother?" I said, "He is in the Kingdom." Then he asked, "Why do when we just borned him he went to heaven?" I said, " Because God want's to hold him right now." Just like my mom said he would of been 4 months old today. My youngest sibling is 4 years old, Jonathan. My mom said some people don't even get to hold there own precious baby. So I was blessed to hold him in my arms. My mom has been thinking about him alot these last two days, and crying alot. Please pray for her. I love you Mom and Christian. I will see you soon Christian. Love you.

love, your big sister,

~Mercy

I just got back from visiting my son's grave. He is planted in a beautiful spot under a huge tree. It reminds me of how he will blossom under the eternal Tree of Life! The birds were singing and there was a gentle breeze. I laid by his grave and prayed, read, cried and rejoiced for the future of eternity in God's Kingdom. You see, Today is the 4 month birthday of Christian Covenant Kruse. I'm sure he would just be smiling away and giggling by now if he were here with us in our arms. I have had the joy and blessing of being able to hold a couple other dear baby boys recently that were born a month or so after Christian. They were smiling and so alive, which I just praise God for. After Christian was born and buried, whenever I saw a newborn baby, I longed to go over and ask if I could hold them but didn't because I didn't know those people and thought I might scare them or start crying and make them really uncomfortable. So what a joy to hold those other babies of dear families I knew in my empty arms. It felt so right and I can't wait to have this empty arm feeling gone in eternity. Until then, I know God will continue to bless me with other sweet babies to hold for a time. I think the other reason it is so hard is because the doctors have told me I should not have any more children because my RH- blood has been sensitized and the antibodies in my blood would attack the blood cells of any future babies that are RH+ and they would die even earlier than Christian. So it does feel like another death on top of Christian's. The death of a growing family, of any more babies in my womb, to birth, nurse, nuture, and train up. Oh, but God is in control and has a plan beyond what we can see. He is the perfect Shepherd and we can trust in Him with all our hearts. I hope to have sweet grandbabies to love and hold one day. I have been told that with nutrition and herbs there may be a chance to cleanse my blood of the antibodies which I am hoping to learn more of and I know that God is able to heal and restore. May His will be done!!! No matter what the future holds it will never replace my baby Christian. I love him more each day and will miss him until the day I die. I am so very thankful that God so graciously created him in my womb and gave me 37 wks to love him and for the precious hours I had in birthing him, holding him, and seeing his amazing perfect little form. I love that time of kissing his cheek, caressing his hands, fingers, toes. I was able to hug and rock him as I listened to some children's songs on my ipod. It's funny how God had the songs picked out special for that time. As I listen to the album now, I am amazed at the encouraging words, "Dem bones are going to rise again" or " The Gospel train is coming the wheels go round and round, everyone is happy this train is heaven bound. Get on board little children there is room for many a more...Hear that train a coming, coming down that track, I'll be getting on it, I won't be looking back" or "I looked over Jordan and what did I see, a band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home...If you get to heaven before I do, just tell all my friends that I'm a coming too, coming for to carry me home, Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home" or "Jesus loves the little children."As I held him and heard those words I knew I couldn't or wouldn't want to stop him from being with Jesus and I thanked God for letting me say goodbye until that sweet eternal day I can say hello forever. Happy Birthday, Christian! I love and miss you!!! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for loving him and keeping your covenant with us, our children, and our children's children. I love You and praise You , for You are forever GOOD!!!

In Christ Alone,

Jodi (Mommy to sweet baby Christian)

Her Song-

I am shedding tears of longing hope to see my dearly missed baby boy after reading this song my nephew Alex Goldman wrote and and sang for me this week. Thank you, Alex. It ministered to my heart more than you could ever know. You are an incredible songwriter and an amazing musician and we are all blessed that you are using your talent for God's glory. I know it will bless anyone else who have also lost a loved one. I'll post Alex singing it as soon as he records it.

Her Song

By Alex Goldman
May 2009

A tissue box and a blue book light
Your lying awake again tonight
Asking the same old question
Can You make me see

You never wanted it this way
Hello to be goodbye one day
I'll be in eternity so
Mom hold on for me

It's been three months since she got the news
With a stiff upper and her straight laced shoes
She'll hold out as long as there's light but
Every night she cries

You know the load is to great to bear
Cast your cares on the Lord in a humble prayer
He will be your Northern Star
No matter where you are

There's not much else that I can say
You know where to go you know the way
So whenever you think of me oh
Mom have faith and pray

A tissue box and a Bible in hand
You're reading the stories of the promised land
I'll be in eternity where
You will be with me