Here are a few of my thoughts today. It has been 6 months from the day Christian stopped kicking in my womb, that his heart stopped beating, and since I found out that he indeed had died. Again, I want to state how precious the Lord was to me during that time. He immedietely caused me to accept and praise Him in that grief. Only He can make something like that happen. I then began to remember the sweet time of worship and communion in Christ during the labor, delivery and afterwards as I held Christian in my arms surrounded by my family and close friends a few days later and how he was with me through the funeral and burial.
Actually, this whole experience has been a blessing. I want to shout it from the mountaintops that God is good! His grace is more than sufficient. There is no need to worry. In fact, I believe anxiety now to be a sin. We do not need to be anxious about anything but cast our cares upon Him, pray without ceasing, and trust, praise, thank, and worship Him in everything. Death or any other hardship is nothing to be feared. That's why I love the name God gave us for our son, Christian Covenant! We have a living hope for him and us of eternal glory in the covenant God has made with us through Christ. He is and will be forever faithful to His covenant! I absolutely agree with a pastor that said we live to die so we can live again in worship to our King forever.
Eternity has been put into a whole new perspective in my life. It is almost always on my mind and I can't wait for that blessed day when God calls us home where we will all be feasting at His banqueting table and I will see my sweet boy again. How blessed we are. I praise God for that hope, joy and peace that passeth all understanding even in the midst of present grief or tears that come and go.
Since Christian's death in January, my husband lost most of his income and wasn't able to pay the bills. He didn't share it with me because he didn't want to put me under more stress after the death of our baby. He began losing sleep, stopped eating healthy and taking his nutritional supplements because of his income loss, and as a result began halucinating and was unable to function. We took him into the emergency and he was then diagnosed with bipolar. We got our 10 day eviction letter a day before my husband got really sick. I think that's what threw him into that state. So I had to make all the desisions and pack up the house while he was still not mentally healthy. We had amazing support and help from my parents, family and close friends and got everything moved out that next week. We are now living in a travel trailer on my parents property. They have been extremely giving and supportive and are letting my five older children live in their house on this same property. God, through my parents, has provided us with some natural supplements for my husband that are helping him immensely. But we are still way behind on bills, hospital bills etc. and it looks like it may be quite a while before we are back in a home.
One thing I know is God is there and cares for us. If He can take care of the lillies of the field He can take care of us. Just as he helped me through the death and burial of a baby, He will help me through any storm that comes my way. I share all this not for pity or charity but just to empasize the fact that God is our all in all and nothing can seperate us from His love. I hope to encourage you in any storm you are facing to look to Christ. He is always good and worthy to be praised. He has taught me not to cling to the things of this world but to Him. He provides all that we need and so much more.
I am amazed and thankful for how God has worked in my husband and all 8 of my other children. All of our eyes have been lifted towards Him and we have all learned so much from this. Again, to God be the glory and may His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. May we be used solely for that purpose and find our greatest satisfacion in Him.
My brother who is also our pastor shared an amazing sermon at Christian's funeral which we recorded. I am still planning to put it on the blog as soon as I figure out how to do that. Hopefully it will minister to you as much as it did to me.
And as I shared with a pastor recently whose grandson is facing a serious mental condition, I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to bless, strengthen, comfort, and hold you all as you take care of the people in your life. Life is a blessing no matter how long, short, physically or mentally healthy we are during this life, for in Christ we have a future. It is God that gives and takes away. It is God that gives grace, faith, and eternal salvation where we will one day be made whole. May we cling to that and believe!
In Christ Alone, Jodi