We (meaning all those in my family who competed, and our cousins) were informed at the Clarion Tournament, on the last day of competition, that the baby had passed away.
My first reaction was, "Why! How could God do this!" I was angry... and I was confused both at the same time! I knew God was sovereign, but I couldn't understand why He would do such a thing! My mind was spinning so fast, and I had tears rolling down my cheeks... in that moment, I just wanted to give up!
At church today, our pastor (my Uncle Kenny) ended up not even giving a sermon. We all had a time of sharing, mourning, and crying. Through it all, I realized why God did what He did. Even though the baby that my mom is carrying, will not be born alive... it still touched the lives of so many! And God used it in such a powerful way! It united our Church body and brought us all so much closer! The same goes for the entire group at the Tournament and our Clarion club!
After we had found out about the baby, it wasn't like we were alone. We had so many people comforting us, and joining in our grief! It was such a joy to see how everyone was pulling together, and how we were brought closer to each other and to the Lord! All the competition and tension was released, no one cared anymore what place they would received, or if they would break or not! It really opened my eyes up to how precious life is, and how insignificant medals and placings really are!
I'm so glad that we have the assurance that we will see the baby in the Kingdom of Heaven! What a joy it is to think, that this baby is dancing and leaping with our Lord! Even though my heart feels like it's been broken... I still am so happy that I will see this baby and be able to spend all of eternity with it!
Yes, I am sad that I will not have the chance to cradle it in my arms... or watch it take it's first step... or see it smile, hear it's voice! But, I am so very thankful for the blessing God gave me in the short time I did have with it!
As I said earlier, Church today was a huge blessing! Since I had spend the night with my cousins, I hadn't seen or talked to my mom since yesterday morning. When she walked into the church building, I completely fell apart!
She still had the baby inside her, but it wasn't kicking or moving... it was in peace, with Jesus! I thought of how she will have to deliver the baby, but this time we would not be able to look forward to the joy of seeing it open it's eyes.. or take it's first breath. This time, it will be different... it will be hard! But it will also be a blessing, because we know that it has already been given to our Heavenly Father, and won't have to go through the trials and pains of this world!
Through all the tears... I think I finally understand why God did what He did! As much as I would have loved to have met this baby, I know God used it in a very powerful way! My Mom's dream and hope was always to have as many kids as she could, so that they would advanced God's kingdom! She was telling us today, that even though this baby passed away, it still touched the lives of so many, and is a great testimony to God's goodness and love!
I Praise God so much for everything, and thank Him for his enduring promises!
January 25 2009