A Precious Child

Thank you to all our friends for celebrating with us Christian's 1st Birthday

2010-01-29T07:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my family and I were totally blessed from all the love, prayers, and support that we received from our friends on Christian's first birthday. This is how yesterday went...First, I posted about Christian and the new pictures my sister got for me of him on this blog. Then I got a little rose potted in soil to plant in honor and remembrance of our baby boy from my friend, Terri, who had a precious, healthy son the same day that I birthed Christian. My children also gave me cards and a framed picture of Christian. Then, I had to go to work. A little later, I came out of a meeting and there were two beautiful bouquets of flowers waiting for me from the Wulffs and Jolings which allowed me to share with some at work the hope we have in Christ. After I got off work, my friend, April, took me to the speech tournament so I could be there for the last couple hours. But first we went to Christian's grave. His stone is in now and beautiful. it came just in time for his birthday. April surprised me with a birthday cake for him and a 1 year old candle. We sang Happy Birthday in the dark, took pictures, cried and gave thanks for what God has done through his little life. When I got to the speech tournament there was around 50 roses and little cards with money wrapped around each rose which added up to $107. I was so blessed and I am amazed at God's goodness and the love of the body of Christ. Thank you Carla, Tami, and all my dear friends who took the time to think of us, pray, hug us, write a note, or give a rose during the busy 1st day of a speech tournament. You are all godly examples of who I want to be like. Then I got home and received all kinds of email and Facebook notes full of encouragement and love. There are to many people to name but please know that each of you are treasured in my heart and I love you dearly. I know we are not the only family to have had a loved one die but you have sure made us feel that extra special love. We anticipate our great eternal future in the Kingdom of God where we will all be with those loved ones worshiping our awesome God, feasting and celebrating at His banqueting table. Every day will be a celebration. Please take comfort, all you who are hurting, in Christ and the hope that He has provided. May He give you peace that passes all understanding.

With love and in Christ alone,

Jodi and Family

Blessed Be Your Name, Lord!

Thank You, God, For You Never Let Go!

Happy 1st Birthday, Christian!

2010-01-28T06:31:00.000-08:00

Today is my sweet baby, Christian Covenant Kruse's birthday. He was born into the Lord's gracious arms last year 3 weeks before his due date. He is one year old today and I celebrate the greatest gift God has given him, his new birth into the Lord's eternal kingdom. We never got to look into his eyes but we did get to hold, kiss, cuddle, and sing to him the praises of the Lord. We even have a video and his pictures. I will cherish those sweet memories till the day I die. My sister, Tami, got some new pictures of Christian touched up by babyangelpics.com that I have posted above. We are going to visit his grave today and I'm so happy because I just found out that his gravestone came in yesterday. I'll post pictures of that after we take some.

God has been amazing to us this year. We are now in a home of our own again which is a huge blessing not to be taken for granted. Hugh is still doing good as he continues to take his natural supplements and lean upon the Lord for what the doctors called "Bipolar." I don't believe he needs to be labeled with that but I bring it up because I know so many people have been diagnosed with the same thing and want them to know that God is bigger than that and can heal, restore, or just continually carry us through any challenge we face. He has also given me a job as a manager of a smoothie and supplements bar at a health club. This is also hard for I have to be away from my family so much more than I am used to but it's a huge blessing during these tough economic times. I am thankful the children are still able to homeschool and they are enjoying a speech tournament that starts today and ends on Saturday. Again, I will have to miss parts of it because of work but God has so faithfully taught me to be grateful in all things. We are not to complain but do all to the glory of God. We are never left alone without hope. There is no need to be anxious. "We can trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."

I am so thankful for the sermons God has blessed us with at Christ Covenant Church. My brother who is our pastor started a series on 1 Peter on January 11, 2009 which prepared us and carried us through the trials and blessings that came throughout that whole year and will continue to bless us with each year that follows, including my parents having to be gone for a year under their own trials that God is using again for His special purpose and glory. Sunday will be the last sermon of the series but what we have learned will last us for a lifetime. God's Word is our lifeline. Read it, study it, be filled with it. There is no greater joy than to hear the Word of the Lord, to read letters from your Daddy, to meditate and rejoice over the promises He has made to us, to be filled with hope and anticipation for our eternal communion with Him where we can worship Him eternally.

Thank you, Father, for creating and using our little son, Christian, for your eternal glory. Thank You for letting him be a part of our family, and especially for the covenant You made to us and to our children by sacrificing Your own dear Son, who paid the debt for our sins. I love You. Thank You for your perfect and sovereign plan. I praise You, for You are worthy. Your grace, comfort and love are more than sufficient. You take away our sorrows, You carry our burdens, You hold us in Your arms. You are a great God and Your faithfulness endures to all generations. Happy birthday, Christian. I love and miss you. I'll see you soon :)

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord!

You are our all in all!

More Trials & Storms Just Prove How Much More Mighty and Great Our God Is!

2009-07-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of my thoughts today. It has been 6 months from the day Christian stopped kicking in my womb, that his heart stopped beating, and since I found out that he indeed had died. Again, I want to state how precious the Lord was to me during that time. He immedietely caused me to accept and praise Him in that grief. Only He can make something like that happen. I then began to remember the sweet time of worship and communion in Christ during the labor, delivery and afterwards as I held Christian in my arms surrounded by my family and close friends a few days later and how he was with me through the funeral and burial.

Actually, this whole experience has been a blessing. I want to shout it from the mountaintops that God is good! His grace is more than sufficient. There is no need to worry. In fact, I believe anxiety now to be a sin. We do not need to be anxious about anything but cast our cares upon Him, pray without ceasing, and trust, praise, thank, and worship Him in everything. Death or any other hardship is nothing to be feared. That's why I love the name God gave us for our son, Christian Covenant! We have a living hope for him and us of eternal glory in the covenant God has made with us through Christ. He is and will be forever faithful to His covenant! I absolutely agree with a pastor that said we live to die so we can live again in worship to our King forever.

Eternity has been put into a whole new perspective in my life. It is almost always on my mind and I can't wait for that blessed day when God calls us home where we will all be feasting at His banqueting table and I will see my sweet boy again. How blessed we are. I praise God for that hope, joy and peace that passeth all understanding even in the midst of present grief or tears that come and go.

Since Christian's death in January, my husband lost most of his income and wasn't able to pay the bills. He didn't share it with me because he didn't want to put me under more stress after the death of our baby. He began losing sleep, stopped eating healthy and taking his nutritional supplements because of his income loss, and as a result began halucinating and was unable to function. We took him into the emergency and he was then diagnosed with bipolar. We got our 10 day eviction letter a day before my husband got really sick. I think that's what threw him into that state. So I had to make all the desisions and pack up the house while he was still not mentally healthy. We had amazing support and help from my parents, family and close friends and got everything moved out that next week. We are now living in a travel trailer on my parents property. They have been extremely giving and supportive and are letting my five older children live in their house on this same property. God, through my parents, has provided us with some natural supplements for my husband that are helping him immensely. But we are still way behind on bills, hospital bills etc. and it looks like it may be quite a while before we are back in a home.

One thing I know is God is there and cares for us. If He can take care of the lillies of the field He can take care of us. Just as he helped me through the death and burial of a baby, He will help me through any storm that comes my way. I share all this not for pity or charity but just to empasize the fact that God is our all in all and nothing can seperate us from His love. I hope to encourage you in any storm you are facing to look to Christ. He is always good and worthy to be praised. He has taught me not to cling to the things of this world but to Him. He provides all that we need and so much more.

I am amazed and thankful for how God has worked in my husband and all 8 of my other children. All of our eyes have been lifted towards Him and we have all learned so much from this. Again, to God be the glory and may His Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. May we be used solely for that purpose and find our greatest satisfacion in Him.

My brother who is also our pastor shared an amazing sermon at Christian's funeral which we recorded. I am still planning to put it on the blog as soon as I figure out how to do that. Hopefully it will minister to you as much as it did to me.

And as I shared with a pastor recently whose grandson is facing a serious mental condition, I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to bless, strengthen, comfort, and hold you all as you take care of the people in your life. Life is a blessing no matter how long, short, physically or mentally healthy we are during this life, for in Christ we have a future. It is God that gives and takes away. It is God that gives grace, faith, and eternal salvation where we will one day be made whole. May we cling to that and believe!

In Christ Alone, Jodi

Christian Covenant Kruse Born Sleeping 1-28-09

2009-05-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Hello

2009-05-28T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Today my brother Jonathan asked me, " Where's my baby brother?" I said, "He is in the Kingdom." Then he asked, "Why do when we just borned him he went to heaven?" I said, " Because God want's to hold him right now." Just like my mom said he would of been 4 months old today. My youngest sibling is 4 years old, Jonathan. My mom said some people don't even get to hold there own precious baby. So I was blessed to hold him in my arms. My mom has been thinking about him alot these last two days, and crying alot. Please pray for her. I love you Mom and Christian. I will see you soon Christian. Love you.

love, your big sister,

~Mercy

2009-05-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

I just got back from visiting my son's grave. He is planted in a beautiful spot under a huge tree. It reminds me of how he will blossom under the eternal Tree of Life! The birds were singing and there was a gentle breeze. I laid by his grave and prayed, read, cried and rejoiced for the future of eternity in God's Kingdom. You see, Today is the 4 month birthday of Christian Covenant Kruse. I'm sure he would just be smiling away and giggling by now if he were here with us in our arms. I have had the joy and blessing of being able to hold a couple other dear baby boys recently that were born a month or so after Christian. They were smiling and so alive, which I just praise God for. After Christian was born and buried, whenever I saw a newborn baby, I longed to go over and ask if I could hold them but didn't because I didn't know those people and thought I might scare them or start crying and make them really uncomfortable. So what a joy to hold those other babies of dear families I knew in my empty arms. It felt so right and I can't wait to have this empty arm feeling gone in eternity. Until then, I know God will continue to bless me with other sweet babies to hold for a time. I think the other reason it is so hard is because the doctors have told me I should not have any more children because my RH- blood has been sensitized and the antibodies in my blood would attack the blood cells of any future babies that are RH+ and they would die even earlier than Christian. So it does feel like another death on top of Christian's. The death of a growing family, of any more babies in my womb, to birth, nurse, nuture, and train up. Oh, but God is in control and has a plan beyond what we can see. He is the perfect Shepherd and we can trust in Him with all our hearts. I hope to have sweet grandbabies to love and hold one day. I have been told that with nutrition and herbs there may be a chance to cleanse my blood of the antibodies which I am hoping to learn more of and I know that God is able to heal and restore. May His will be done!!! No matter what the future holds it will never replace my baby Christian. I love him more each day and will miss him until the day I die. I am so very thankful that God so graciously created him in my womb and gave me 37 wks to love him and for the precious hours I had in birthing him, holding him, and seeing his amazing perfect little form. I love that time of kissing his cheek, caressing his hands, fingers, toes. I was able to hug and rock him as I listened to some children's songs on my ipod. It's funny how God had the songs picked out special for that time. As I listen to the album now, I am amazed at the encouraging words, "Dem bones are going to rise again" or " The Gospel train is coming the wheels go round and round, everyone is happy this train is heaven bound. Get on board little children there is room for many a more...Hear that train a coming, coming down that track, I'll be getting on it, I won't be looking back" or "I looked over Jordan and what did I see, a band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home...If you get to heaven before I do, just tell all my friends that I'm a coming too, coming for to carry me home, Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home" or "Jesus loves the little children."As I held him and heard those words I knew I couldn't or wouldn't want to stop him from being with Jesus and I thanked God for letting me say goodbye until that sweet eternal day I can say hello forever. Happy Birthday, Christian! I love and miss you!!! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for loving him and keeping your covenant with us, our children, and our children's children. I love You and praise You , for You are forever GOOD!!!

In Christ Alone,

Jodi (Mommy to sweet baby Christian)

Her Song-

2009-05-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am shedding tears of longing hope to see my dearly missed baby boy after reading this song my nephew Alex Goldman wrote and and sang for me this week. Thank you, Alex. It ministered to my heart more than you could ever know. You are an incredible songwriter and an amazing musician and we are all blessed that you are using your talent for God's glory. I know it will bless anyone else who have also lost a loved one. I'll post Alex singing it as soon as he records it.

Her Song

By Alex Goldman
May 2009

A tissue box and a blue book light
Your lying awake again tonight
Asking the same old question
Can You make me see

You never wanted it this way
Hello to be goodbye one day
I'll be in eternity so
Mom hold on for me

It's been three months since she got the news
With a stiff upper and her straight laced shoes
She'll hold out as long as there's light but
Every night she cries

You know the load is to great to bear
Cast your cares on the Lord in a humble prayer
He will be your Northern Star
No matter where you are

There's not much else that I can say
You know where to go you know the way
So whenever you think of me oh
Mom have faith and pray

A tissue box and a Bible in hand
You're reading the stories of the promised land
I'll be in eternity where
You will be with me

Video-

2009-02-21T15:53:00.000-08:00

Christian Covenant Kruse, Our Baby Boy, Born Into The Lord's Arms, 3 Weeks Before His Due Date

2009-02-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

Through this last year God has been ever faithful and true. He has provided for our every need, comforted us through every trial, and embraced us with His amazing love showered with His grace. The joy of the Lord is my strength. We have been blessed with another child. His name is Christian Covenant Kruse. He was a blessing every day He was alive and has continued to be and will always be a blessing since his death on earth and birth into the eternal Kingdom of God on January 28, 2009, three weeks before his due date. Oh, what comfort I have in knowing that Jesus loves the little children and He said, "For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." I praise God for the beautiful name He gave us for He has taught us that our precious boy is covered under the covenant God has made with us through the saving blood of His beloved Son and that he will be a Christian (a follower of Christ) for all eternity. We look forward with hope and joy unspeakable to be reunited with our son, to feast at the banqueting table of our Lord, and to worship Him in glory for all eternity. We will join our little Christian and be leaping and dancing and praising God with him forever and ever. I praise God for creating Christian and allowing us to be his family the short time he was on the earth. I am forever grateful for how He has used his life to minister to so many on this earth and for answering my deepest prayer...that all our children would be used to advance God's Kingdom on the earth. Each day that goes by since I had to kiss my baby goodbye, I have seen how this little one has done that in so many different ways than I ever knew or understood could be possible. He has directed my eyes and my heart to eternity in a way I never had focused on before. So much in this life that I use to find important or critical have been put into proper perspective. I pray that his little life on earth will not have been in vain. I pray that we will all keep Christ as the center of our lives, that we will appreciate every heartbeat of our loved ones, that we will remember to love those around us, that we will pray for the hurting, reach out to the needs of others, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, and thank God for our blessings. May we treasure God's Word and cling to Him every day of our lives. May we come to know him more with each passing day and long for the day that we will be with Him in paradise. We have nothing to fear. Cast your burdens on the Lord for He cares for you. We have no need to be anxious for His grace is sufficient. It is more than enough and He truly does work all things out for good. I am amazed at how wonderful my natural family, my local church, and all my brothers and sisters in Christ across the country have been to our family through this time. I have felt so much love and I have been filled with so much love from and for all of you. Thank you! Our God reigns and He is greatly to be praised!

-Jodi Kruse-
February 17th 2009

A Child Of Mine

2009-02-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

-By Edgar Albert Guest, 1930

It's Not Time To Wake Me

2009-02-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

Shhhh... it's not time to wake me, Mommy.
Yes, I've come to know you this soon,
Nestled in the comfort of your womb.
Your breath seems so slow and so deep-
Its rhythm has lulled me to sleep.

Shhhh... it's not time to wake me, Siblings.
My eyes have still to see the sun;
These crooked limbs have yet to run.
You'll have to wait to play with me,
To ride our bikes and climb our tree.

Shhhh... it's not time to wake me, Daddy.
My tiny hands can't grasp yours now,
Nor your gentle words teach me how.
Keep those stories and nursery rhymes,
Save your wisdom for another time,

Shhhh... it's not time to wake me
Although my story seems untold,
My future's promised to unfold.
I will awake when I am whole,
Stirred my HIS whisper to my soul!

-Sharlee Foster-

Christian Covenant Kruse

2009-02-10T11:23:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, our families went through a very tough week with the birth of a still born child. On January 31st, we held a funeral service for this precious child from God. There were many friends and family that came to mourn with us and comfort the Kruse family. On Monday Feb. 2nd there was a burial service for the family to attend. This may have been the hardest time for the Kruses because they finally had to let Christian go. It was also very comforting to know that Christian is in the arms of Jesus. Because of the covenantal promise given to generations, we can have assurance to one day see Christian Kruse all healthy and well, and all our tears will be wiped away. Thank God for that promise!

-Kaila Andersons-
February 10th 09

Song-

2009-02-05T14:20:00.000-08:00

REST
By Alex Goldman

Verse 1:
Young one, awaiting a life to come
A chance to live a life of faith and purity.
For too long I thought nothing could go wrong
Till the Lord had come, took you away from me.

Chorus:

God is good, He knows best
Now in His arms we lay you down to rest.

Verse 2:

Sunrise, brings tear to our eyes,
why is God's great plan so hard to believe?

Chorus:

To listen to it, go here: http://www.supload.com/listen?s=sosJeF#

Christian's Funeral-

2009-02-03T22:28:00.001-08:00

Our whole family with Christian

Christian's adorable small hands...

My mom with Christian, after they sealed the coffin

He was so cute!

Daddy and Christian

Mommy and Christian

Here are a few of the pictures that were taken at the funeral this last Saturday. It was a beautiful funeral, and God was glorified and praised the whole way through it.

Little Christian made such a huge impacted upon so many lives. God used him, in a very powerful way! Praise be to God!

After the funeral was over, we invited a whole bunch of people over to our house, where we talked, laughed, did duo's and ate dinner. We had a really enjoyable time!

In all, it was a sad/fun/filled day.

God is so very good!

In Christ,

-Destiny

Song-

2009-02-03T10:49:00.000-08:00

At last we meet again, dear God
Hear the angels sing
The funerals are nicer when we know you're there
When the angels sing
Sometimes I try so hard
To understand the things you do
Who am I to question you
When it all comes down
Hear the angels sing
Stand up strong feel the pain
When the angels sing
Love and death don't mean a thing
Till the angels sing

By Social Distortion

-Posted by Travis Thorp-

Febuary 2 2009

Mommy and Daddy! "I'm Home"

2009-01-30T23:25:00.000-08:00

Oh, it's so beautiful. I didn't know what was happening. I was afraid. Then I woke up and was being held tightly in such comforting arms. Then I heard the most beautiful voice say, "Christian Covenant Kruse, my precious child, enter into the joy of the Lord" Oh Mommy and Daddy, did I tell you how beautiful it is here? God is so beautiful! He is explaining to me how he is the creator of everything. He told me he created all of the heavens and earth and all that has breath. God told me he has a plan for everything that he does, but he knows it is very difficult for us to understand. Oh, Mommy and Daddy, please don't worry about me. God says he brought me here for a reason. He said I was special. Did you hear that Mommy and Daddy? I'm special and he has a plan for me. Please, Mommy and Daddy, can I stay here? Did I tell you how beautiful it is? I see every color of the rainbow. I hear such beautiful music. I see tens of thousands of angels. I can see forever. I see such a bright light from afar. It has a beautiful radianace and seems to be getting closer. God told me not to be afraid. He said that he is with me. God says that many have come before me. They are all precious souls who tried to be obedient to God while on earth. But I asked God, Why me? He said, my precious child, you will soon see the reason why I brought you here. Oh, Mommy and Daddy, did I tell you how beautiful it is here? That glowing light, it seems to be getting closer and closer. God told me again, do not be afraid. I can see forever. There are fountains flowing everywhere and there is music and singing. Oh please, Mommy and Daddy, can I stay here? That glowing light is now so close. Please God, tell me my purpose in heaven. My dear precious child, I have brought you here for a very special reason. Don't be afraid. That beautiful light, it is upon us now. It has a radiance of gold, silver and all of the the colors of the rainbow. It's so beautiful. I see angels. I see two angels with their arms extended towards me. Do not be afraid, my child. These are two of my most precious angels. They were your Mommy's Grandpa and Grandma. They were known on earth as Grandpa Great and Grandma Great. They were so full of love for their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. It was time for them to enter heaven, but they did so with a heavy heart because of the loved ones they knew they were leaving behind. My dear precious child, do you understand now why you are here. I think I do. Oh Mommy and Daddy, can I stay here? Can I please be their great grandchild in heaven, please. I think they need me as much as I need them. Oh, Grandma Great just picked me up and is holding me so tight in here arms. Grandpa Great is now holding me. I already feel so loved. They make me feel so special. Oh, I love it here. I think Grandma Great is singing to me but I don't hear any words. Oh, Grandma Great just whispered to me that she is humming. Grandpa Great is so funny. Oh, Mommy and Daddy, please can I stay? They said that they will watch over me until you get here. They seem so happy now. I know I'm supposed to be here. God says that you will talk to me every day through prayer. I love you both so much. Oh, Mommy and Daddy, I'm Home!

[written by Bob Thorp (also known, as "Uncle Bob")]

A Letter from Christian-

2009-01-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

Mommy, oh, I wish you could see
The pretty place made for me.
The streets are made with shiny gold
And the gates with fancy things.

I get to drink from a sparkling river
And eat from the tree of life.
I get to sing with angels
And dance for Jesus Christ.

There is no night to bring the dark.
And I never get afraid.
The angels sit and read me stories
Of what Jesus did for me!

I am invited to every party.
And I cheer and cheer and cheer.
Because that is when we celebrate
A new name written here.

Mommy, when I sit in my room
I often think of you.
I'm excited for the moment
That I can share with you.

I'll show you all the pictures I've drawn
Of the mansion Jesus made for me,
The pictures of the choir of angels
Singing to give God glory.

All the hugs we never shared
I'll give you someday soon.
Thank you, Mommy, for loving me.
Please know I love you too.

Love,
Christian

[written by Leslie Reavely]

Christian...

2009-01-30T00:17:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of Christian's beautiful and precious hands... what a darling little boy he was! As you can see, he is wearing a heart necklace on his neck... so sweet!

-Destiny Kruse-

Poem

2009-01-29T18:13:00.000-08:00

Who will catch us when we fall

Who will hear us when we call

Who will help in time of stress

Who will clean this horrible mess

When we have lost what we most love

Our God is watching from above

When devils try to break our soul

God is always in control

Who will catch us when we fall

Who will hear us when we call

Who will help in time of stress

Who will clean this horrible mess

We know that Jesus died for all

Every baby one and all

-Elijah Owen-

Of Life and Death

2009-01-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get too high an opinion of myself. Not that I think I'm all that great, just I start thinking that what I think is somehow gravely important. I view the world self-centeredly, and judge the significance of external things based on how they affect me. But sooner or later, some external thing will come and shake my world, rattle my bearings, give me a slap in the face, like a shock of cold water. I just wish these things would come along more often. God knows I desperately need them. One of these is Death.

Last week I heard the news that the unborn child of a dear friend of ours had died, just three weeks before the due date. Three weeks. This floored me. Inwardly I screamed "Why God?!!!" Though I knew He was in control, I questioned His purpose. I'm ashamed to say I still find myself wishing for a miracle, wishing time could rewind so that we could somehow save the baby. Yet that is not what He has planned.

Through all this, Death has not been far from my mind. All of us are hurling through space at break-neck speed, we daily whiz past each other in vehicles made of metal and explosive fuel. We are constantly exposed to viruses, and bacteria, yet all around us, things hold together. The supposed chaos of our universe that scientists claim, is ordered and surrendered under the will of One greater than Chance. So much so that we forget that our lives are but a vapor, that each breath is miracle of mercy, that each of our hearts beat not by habit, but rather in accordance to the will of Him who through whom all things hold together. But when something goes wrong, such as the death of a dear child, fearfully and wonderfully made, woven together with beauty and intricacy, we scream "Why God?!!"

It is instances like these that shatter my illusion of self-importance, and force me to bow before a Power infinitely greater than I. It is instances like these that remind me exactly how fine the line between life and death is.

I don't even claim to know what God's plan was in the death of this child. I don't have all sorts of fancy words to explain the pain of these circumstances. I just know that this is the greatest grief I have ever known in my lifetime and that God has never revealed Himself to me more vividly than in this past week.

I have never seen strength like what the Kruse family has shown during the loss of their son. I've seen them hold fast, praising the Lord, while I wanted to question His will.

Job once said:
"What then shall I do when God rises up? When he makes inquiry, what shall I answer him? Did not he who made me in the womb make him?And did not one fashion us in the womb?... Then Job answered the Lord and said: I know that you can do all things,and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,things too wonderful for me, which I did not know..."

It is of Life and Death that my thoughts have turned to lately, and consquently I have wondered how I ought to live my life differently, in remembering that death is ultimate for me as well as everyone else. Hmm. It's sobering, suddenly realizing that I will die too someday. Will it be today? Next week? I don't know. My greatest fear is that I will die poorly. I don't want to die afraid, I want to be brave, and to face eternity with eagerness. *Sigh*, I think you need to read the lyrics to this Steven Curtis song to understand how I feel now:

I pull over to the side of the road and I watch the cars pass me by
The headlights and a black limousine tell me someone is saying goodbye
I bow my head and I whisper a prayer, "Father, comfort the broken hearts"
And as I drive away there's a thought that I
I cannot escape, No I, I cannot escape this thought
I can't get away

Oh, if this should be my last day on this earth
How then shall I live?
Oh, if this should be the last day that I have
Before I breathe the air of heaven
Let me live it with abandon to
The only thing that remains
After my last day, here on earth

If this should be my last day here on earth
If this should be my last day here on earth
If this should be my last, last day here on earth

And if tomorrow comes to find me
Looking in the face of Jesus
Will I hear Him say the words "well done"?

Oh, if this should be my last day on this earth
How then shall I live?
Oh, if this should be the last day that I have
Before I breathe the air of heaven
Let me live it with abandon to
The only One that remains
After my last day
Here on earth

If this should be my last day here on earth
If this should be my last, my last day here on earth

Cause this could be my last, this could be my last
This could be my last day

With Hope
Carry You to Jesus

There is so much more I could say, but it has all been said before. Just remember this,
Our lives our not our own. It is when we realize this, that we truly begin to live. God bless your day.

-Alexa Sleadd-

January 29 2009

Christian Covenant Kruse

2009-01-29T11:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at about 2:45 we went to the hospital because my mom had started having some contraction. She had a very beautiful labor. Sometimes, I can't believe how amazing my mother is. I've heard by so many people, that labor is a painful and agonizing thing to go through. But, when I watch my mom.. she makes it look like nothing. She simply praises and worships God, the whole way through! It's amazing!

It was about 6:15 when she had the baby. It was a little boy. He was so adorable! We named him "Christian Covenant Kruse".

All five of us older kids were there, at the hospital. So we were able to all hold him. What a precious little boy he was... he had the cutest little nose! And his mouth was so adorable... his hands and feet were so perfect... he was just the most beautiful little boy! As I looked into his small fragile face, I began to understand why God wanted to use little Christian, to advance His kingdom. By using such a small child, He showed how great and mighty He really is.

Christian weighed about 5 pounds.. but, since there was a knot in the cord, he might not have been nourished, so he could have weighed more. Also, my mom wasn't really due till a couple more weeks.

We got out of the hospital at about 11:45 pm; got home at about 12:30 am; and I got to bed at about 1:15am. It was a long day... but, I wouldn't have wanted to miss a minute from it!

God bless,

-Destiny

The Makers Hand at Work

2009-01-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

The past weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions. Many of my cousins and family has made it to regionals. After we found out who broke to the finals we found out that my soon be cousin has past away. Once I heard the news I felt I came to the end of my rope unable to tie a knot and hang on. I had no idea what to do but walk around the building several times before I let my friends comfort me and I tried to comfort my cousins. This has been a great example of Gods immance. I thank God that He let us receive the news with all our friends there to be as one family. A couple minutes after we found out the apologetics rounds started and I went into a round to get away from all that grief in hopes that it would be a misunderstanding, but it was Tait Deems who talked on the subject of God's Sovereignty. He based it all on what happened and that God was in control. Then I knew it was God who sent the child to prove his sovereignty and why did I question God's plain, He who knows the way that everything will come to. Now it is in covenant with God because God sent His Son to die for us. I was surrounded by God's glory and that the baby was dancing before God and aunt Jodi who was the mother of the child was in complete satisfaction of God being with the child instead of herself. Then I knew it was true and I watched the duo's and became joyful only because the baby was safe with the King of Kings the same King who conquered death.

Keep the Kruses in your prayers.
-Kolten

A Precious Child- Used by God

2009-01-29T00:46:00.000-08:00

As many of you may have heard, we found out yesterday that my Mom had lost her baby. She was only 3 weeks away from giving birth. We don't know the reason why she/he died. But we do know that God used it's death to bring glory to Himself!

We (meaning all those in my family who competed, and our cousins) were informed at the Clarion Tournament, on the last day of competition, that the baby had passed away.

My first reaction was, "Why! How could God do this!" I was angry... and I was confused both at the same time! I knew God was sovereign, but I couldn't understand why He would do such a thing! My mind was spinning so fast, and I had tears rolling down my cheeks... in that moment, I just wanted to give up!

....

At church today, our pastor (my Uncle Kenny) ended up not even giving a sermon. We all had a time of sharing, mourning, and crying. Through it all, I realized why God did what He did. Even though the baby that my mom is carrying, will not be born alive... it still touched the lives of so many! And God used it in such a powerful way! It united our Church body and brought us all so much closer! The same goes for the entire group at the Tournament and our Clarion club!

After we had found out about the baby, it wasn't like we were alone. We had so many people comforting us, and joining in our grief! It was such a joy to see how everyone was pulling together, and how we were brought closer to each other and to the Lord! All the competition and tension was released, no one cared anymore what place they would received, or if they would break or not! It really opened my eyes up to how precious life is, and how insignificant medals and placings really are!

....

I'm so glad that we have the assurance that we will see the baby in the Kingdom of Heaven! What a joy it is to think, that this baby is dancing and leaping with our Lord! Even though my heart feels like it's been broken... I still am so happy that I will see this baby and be able to spend all of eternity with it!

Yes, I am sad that I will not have the chance to cradle it in my arms... or watch it take it's first step... or see it smile, hear it's voice! But, I am so very thankful for the blessing God gave me in the short time I did have with it!

....

As I said earlier, Church today was a huge blessing! Since I had spend the night with my cousins, I hadn't seen or talked to my mom since yesterday morning. When she walked into the church building, I completely fell apart!

She still had the baby inside her, but it wasn't kicking or moving... it was in peace, with Jesus! I thought of how she will have to deliver the baby, but this time we would not be able to look forward to the joy of seeing it open it's eyes.. or take it's first breath. This time, it will be different... it will be hard! But it will also be a blessing, because we know that it has already been given to our Heavenly Father, and won't have to go through the trials and pains of this world!

....

Through all the tears... I think I finally understand why God did what He did! As much as I would have loved to have met this baby, I know God used it in a very powerful way! My Mom's dream and hope was always to have as many kids as she could, so that they would advanced God's kingdom! She was telling us today, that even though this baby passed away, it still touched the lives of so many, and is a great testimony to God's goodness and love!

I Praise God so much for everything, and thank Him for his enduring promises!

In Christ,

-Destiny Kruse-

January 25 2009

God is our Great Comforter

2009-01-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

What an amazing weekend. I am reminded by the events of the last few days that God is still intimately involved in the lives of His children.

I was struck by the grace and goodness of God during the Speech tournament this weekend. After hearing the news of the death of an unborn baby, and then hearing how the mother continued to praise God through it all, I was broken by the fact that it's so easy for me to go through life, day by day, accepting God's immense blessings, and yet, not being truly grateful, but rather harboring discontentment in my heart.

In contrast, here was a godly woman who was worshiping God even after losing her baby. I compared that with myself; discontent, selfish, blind to God's goodness, when I should be worshiping him for the family He has blessed me with and the way He has preserved my life and theirs.

I had the privilege to see a few of the apologetics rounds shortly after the sad news. They were on the character of God. His holiness and His sovereignty. God had a plan that goes beyond the death of that baby. And one day He will open our eyes to see His marvelous plan.

I know already that God touched many more lives than just mine at this tournament. The Lord gives and He takes away. Blessed be Your name, God.

As I was thinking about the whole thing, a verse in Revelation came to my mind that gives us hope and assurance during hard times.

Revelation 21:3-5
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

May God bless you today and open your eyes to see his goodness.

-Aaron Sleadd-

January 26 2009

Small Child... A Big Loss

2009-01-27T22:18:00.000-08:00

As many of you already know, we lost a child this last week. He/she was definitely loved by everyone we knew. I am glad God gave us this child and I know He will use this experience for His perfect will. God is so good and gracious towards us. We deserve nothing and He gives us everything. Even in times of trial, God proves good. Yes...even better.

It is a hard trial but we can put our hope in God. I thank Him for allowing me to know Him. I have already learned so much from this experience and have made stronger relationships. God is in control. And He has planned this day from even before time began. Hearing the news at the tournament was good for me and my other siblings because we had so many strong Christian friends there. God is always good and continually proves His faithfulness to us.

I want to thank all those who have prayed and have been so kind to our family. There are too many names to say but thank you. Word is spreading fast and God will use this child in a huge way. We might not have wanted it this way. We probably would have chosen that the baby be born fine and healthy. We may have wanted it alive. We may have wanted to hold, feed, and play with this small gift from God. But He knows what is best and He will do what is best.

Thank You God. Thank You for Your love. Let the little children run to You.

-David Kruse-

January 26 2009

Life and Death

2009-01-27T22:12:00.000-08:00

How strong is your faith? Do you truly have faith in all the attributes of God? I was challenged with these questions on the last day of our Medford tournament. When the news arrived that Jodi had lost her baby, I was crushed. I knew how much the Kruses wanted that child. They had nearly given up on the hope of ever having another baby, but God had blessed them and she became pregnant. But then God took that child away, three weeks before it was about to enter the world.

I was angry. Why had God done this to them? What was His plan? Could I even believe that this was His plan? I was deeply challenged, and mad. Then when I got into my apologetics round, and saw that I had to talk on the grace of God, it came to me, as like a voice in my head. God said "can you trust in Me, even when your emotions tell you not too?" God wanted to see how much I believed in His grace. Yeah, sure, I was able to study it and talk about it, but did I truly trust in it? Could I talk about even when I was being challenged in it?

It was then that I realized that God's grace was clearly seen in it all. God had given them this child. He had allowed them to build a relationship with this child for eight months. All of this was God's grace towards the Kruse family. While I talked about it in my round, there was this voice in my head that kept saying "praise Me for the child, it was by My grace that they spent eight months with it in the womb, praise Me."

God took this little child, this child that no one had yet seen, and built all of our faiths up through it. God wanted to see how much we really believed what we were saying. Right then and there I finally came to realize the full meaning of His grace, sovereignty and holiness, like I never had before.

Now we all thank God for what He did through this little child. Our tournament took on a different aspect based on the work God did through this child. Jodi's prayer had always been that her children would further the kingdom of God, and even this child, that would never live to see this world, changed the lives of so many people. We became a closer body of Christ. We had each other to cry with, and to pray for, and I thank God for that!

Even in the death of this beloved child, we saw a new aspect of life!

As I was writing this post this song came up-

Blessed be Your Name

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll
turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say


Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

VERSE 2:
Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name


You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

-Kaila Anderson-

January 26 2009

Of Faith and Praise

2009-01-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

Oh blessed peace and serenity sure

that guides our eyes, helps us endure

like walking through a foreboding tomb

with Gods own Word to light the gloom

As one is laid to earthly rest

and tears flow free and non repressed

take not sorrow so much as joy in life

for one of God has escaped earths strife

Weep, yes mourn for one so dear

the will of God is surely here

as Lazarus came forth from deaths door

we shall be made alive on the kingdoms shore

Such an example my Godly aunt has portrayed

the trust of the Lord she hath not betrayed

thou good and faithful servant, that doth glorify thy Lord

keep your shield of faith around you and don't lay down the sword

-By Alex Goldman-

January 26 2009

Welcome

2009-01-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, January 24th 2009, we were informed that our precious child was taken up to be with our Lord. My Mother was 3 weeks away from giving birth.

We want to dedicate this blog to the child, in memory of she/he, as we have yet to find out if it will be a boy or girl.

On this blog we will be posting different articles, emails, poems etc. that people have written in memory of the child, and in praise to our Lord, Christ Jesus, for the short time He gave us with this child.

May God bless you all!

In Christ,
-Destiny Kruse